today: sleepwalking

this morning, I decided that we weren't going to have a repeat of yesterday, resulting in Harry's lack of sleep and mine too.

so, after I had tried putting him back in his crib to sleep with no success, I got dressed, took him downstairs and put him straight in the pram.

we then went out for a walk to town (the only way he will go to sleep during the day, now) which had some level of success with regards to my plan (to walk to get me an over-sized mug of coffee and hope that he would stay asleep long enough for me to read some of my book). Ten minutes after I sat down, he woke up, pouted, had some minski and sat on my knee where we both watched the world go by. We then walked home and he fell asleep very soundly.

so, I thought I would be sneaky and wheel him through the house quietly, through to the back garden, where he could be out in the fresh air and continue to sleep whilst I got on with various things. Two minutes of it and then awakeness prevailed. I don't know what's wrong with him at the moment but, even if he is in the deepest sleep, he will wake up the minute something changes, even if it is the smallest change imaginable. Anyway, I wheeled him up and down the garden and he fell asleep again, only to wake up very randomly, so I gave up.

later in the afternoon, he howled a lot after feeding and just as I was about to take him out again, fell asleep on my shoulder - from trauma to instant calm in three seconds - always amazes me - and there he stayed for the next hour or so, snoozing away whilst I finally got to finish the last installment of The Deathly Hallows.

I must say, I know this book was written primarily for children but it did have some rather adult themes and words in it, for that matter, and as tragic as it may sound, I felt really sad when I had finished reading it and now can't find anything else I want to read and there are a stack of untouched books on my shelves, waiting for my attention...

so, another day passes and I become more and more confused about how to parent. But also more aware that I am getting to know my boy more and more by the day, knowing more about him and his ways than I sometimes realise, or indeed give myself credit for, preferring to beat myself up if he so much as frowns when it's a particularly bad day.

I read recently that a baby goes through approximately one hundred different sleep patterns in their first year. This helps me to feel a tiny bit better when the thing that worked yesterday no longer works anymore, but will work again in the future on any given day and of course, when you least expect it. Does that make any sense?